Once upon a time I was probably like you and thought that prostate play was out there on the extremes edges of sexual play. Definitely not something to bring up with your partner in a "lets try this" conversation. More something left to the dark corners of a seedy gay club.
Well, one day the topic came up and I got to experience something amazing. I experienced the mother of all orgasms. Something so intense and ongoing that it redefined a level of sexual pleasure that I never thought was possible.
So over time I've learnt new methods and techniques and how to reach a truely mind blowing orgasm. So I'm going to share with you what I've leant.
** Make sure you check out my awesome and informative 5 Stages of Prostate Orgasm infographic in section 2, below! It’s an indispensable tool that will help you on your journey to orgasmic nirvana!
Common questions and answers:
- What is prostate milking/massage?
- How to do it: internal prostate play
- How to do it: external prostate play
- How does it feel?
- How do I find the right spot?
- Will I get an erection?
- Will I have a prostate orgasm?
- Will I really be able to have multiple orgasms?
- Should it make me cum?
- How do I play safe?
- Is anal douching necessary?
- Will I need to use lube?
- What is prostate milking?
I use the terms massage and milking interchangeably. For the purposes of this post, they are one and the same. I also use the term P-Spot, which is just another name for the prostate.
Let’s define prostate massage. It’s a relatively simple process that involves applying light to moderate pressure to the prostate gland. This gland is most easily reached through the rectum. It’s about 2 knuckles deep and rests on the anterior side, toward the front of the body.
The goal is to find just the right spot and slowly massage it. And that is the tricky part. Every guy is a bit different, so things like location and pressure mean different things to different guys. It takes practice and perseverance to get maximum pleasure.
Now, proceed to chapter 2 and learn how to do it…
- How to do it: Internal prostate play
This method of prostate play involves inserting a finger or specialized toy into your butt. If you’re uneasy about putting things in there, feel free to jump ahead to the next section which covers the external method. BUT DON’T DO THAT!
Internal is the ONLY way to get the FULL experience. Simply because of the fact that it feels the best! The sensations are more focused and intense (in a good way). They also last longer.
With practice, you can experience multiple orgasms. Yes, you read that correctly. Men can have multiples too! Need I say more?
Before we get started with this section, here are 4 important things to consider.
- ALWAYS Start small and work your way up. Your index finger is perfect for the first couple of times.
- Once you get the hang of it, there is no substitute for a prostate toy to get the job done right.
- Always use plenty of lube. Don’t skimp on this either. Spend a few extra $$ and make the entire experience easier and safer.
- Don’t touch your penis! This is the last thing you want to do during a prostate massage. You risk blowing your load and taking attention away from the task at hand.
INSTRUCTIONS. 4 easy steps
Here they are. The keys to Dave’s holy grail.
In the next few minutes, you’ll learn how I do this. Step by step.
This guide assumes you’re flying solo. If you have a partner to help, that’s awesome! These instructions apply equally to both scenarios.
Step 1. First and foremost, make sure you allow plenty of time.
I can’t stress this enough: prostate play is not a quick process.
I like to have AT LEAST an hour of solitude for this. Two is even better. The best time for me is when I’m home alone.
This way I know there won’t be any interruptions. No girlfriend walking into my bedroom. No kids screaming outside the door.
My phone and TV get turned off. The lights are turned low. I want this time all to myself. No outside interruptions. I want to focus solely on ME and only me. This is critical for a successful session.
Maybe all this seems like overkill, but it really isn’t. If you can’t devote this amount of time and dedication, just wait until you can. It’s worth it. This is totally different than regular masturbation. Heck, I only need 5 or 10 minutes for that. The lights and TV can be on. I can pretty much do that whenever.
A good p-spot massage session is an entirely different matter. It’s more challenging, but well worth it.
Step 2. Clear the mind and relax the body
Now that you’ve set aside some time for yourself, it’s time to relax your body and mind.
Personally, I like to start with a bowel movement an hour or longer before I get started. There’s nothing more relaxing than having a nice purge.
Then I like to take a long hot shower. As hot as I can stand it. I spend plenty of time washing my entire body from head to toe, especially the area around my bum. I also advise doing some deep cleaning in the rectum. This involves using a washcloth and a finger. Push the cloth in your butt hole just a little bit to clear out any poo that might hiding near the surface.
Next, I crawl into bed. I like to have some soft soothing music playing. Music soothes my soul and prepares me for the journey I’m about to embark on. This is a great time for meditation. I like to practice breathing exercises, inhaling deeply, exhaling slowly. I may do this for 5 to 10 minutes, or until I feel I’ve calmed down.
Not being in a calm state will kill the mood. Every. Single. Time. This is why meditation, soothing music, a bowel movement and a hot shower are so important to me before I even get started.
At this point, it’s wise to have everything prepared and ready to go. This includes towels, lube, glass of water, remote controls, etc. Have your pillows all arranged in the right places. The temperature in the room should be just right. Not too hot and not too cold. A like to have a fan blowing over me as well.
You’re going to be at this for an hour or more, and the last thing you want to do is have to get up and spoil the mood.
Step 3. Get into a comfortable position
There are two positions I like to use.
Here’s my favorite: I simply lay in bed, on my side. Whichever side I’m laying on, I pull the knee of my upper leg (the one on top) up toward my chest. This makes it easy to insert the toy, finger or whatever into my rectum.
My second favorite is also quite simple. I simply lie flat on my back and pull my feet toward my butt. With my knees raised and spread apart, it provides access the rectum. I don’t like this one quite as much because I find that it’s a bit harder to reach around down there.
There are other positions you can utilize, but I recommend one of these to get started.
Step 4. Start the massage
Assuming you’ve followed steps 1 – 3 above, it’s time to get started. The following technique is what works best for me. There are other ways to do it, but this is my personal favorite.
Start by applying a generous amount of lube to both the toy and your butt hole.
Then gently nudge the stimulator into your rectum. It should be anatomically designed to hit all the right spots.
The toy will probably feel uncomfortable at first, and it may be hard to get in. This is where it’s important to relax, wait for a second, and then try again. Generally, prostate toys have a larger business end that tapers down, so once it’s in, it feels more comfortable.
It might even hurt a little prior to getting it all the way inserted. This is normal. But if the pain is too much, you should stop and try again another time. If you’re having difficulty, starting out with a finger to loosen up your hole is advisable.
** If you’re using a finger and aren’t sure where your prostate is located, check out section 5 below, How to Find your Prostate. Follow the directions there for the massage
I like to use the contract and release method. This involves flexing and releasing your pelvic floor muscles, also known as the PC (pubococcygeal) muscles. Think of it as lifting your groin muscles. These are the same muscles you use to start and stop the flow of urine. In fact, you can practice this lift and release the next time you go to the bathroom. Make note of this sensation and use it during your next massage session.
Keep doing the lift and release for as long as you can. I suggest holding the lift for a few seconds, and then slowly release. Simply keep repeating this process over and over. Try to time your muscle contraction and simultaneously take a deep breath. Then release the contraction and exhale.
Here’s what’s happening when you do this exercise: the rectal wall muscles are slightly drawing the toy in and out, causing it to bump against the prostate. The harder you contract, the harder it bumps. This is what creates the good feelings, leading to climax.
The longer you do this, the closer it will bring you to the ultimate goal, prostate orgasm. If you’re a beginner, it will be difficult to keep going, as those muscles aren’t trained for this activity. You can improve this over time by practicing.
It’s just like hitting the gym for the first time. You’ll be very weak and unable to do lots of reps, but with time, the muscles get stronger and have more endurance.
Infographic: the 5 stages of prostate orgasm
If you’re going to try prostate massage, it’s critical that you know what to expect, and when it will happen. The following infographic walks you through the five basic stages from initial stimulation to the orgasmic finale. Use this as you’re practicing this step (step 4).
See the hi res version here.
I’m going to make a prostate toy recommendation here, as I feel this is the most efficient and effective way to enjoy this experience. It’s called the Aneros Helix Syn (see my full review here, or click the banner below).
Obviously, you don’t have to use a toy. You can use your fingers, or any other SAFE item to do this. I’m simply recommending based on my own personal experience. This is the one I first started using and the reason I’ve become a Pro Prostate Player.
Aneros Helix Syn
The Timeless Classic
PERFCECT for beginners
Slides smoothly into rectum
★ ★ ★ ★ ☆
BONUS: kick it up a notch by doing this…
Remember how I told you NOT to touch your penis a bit ago? Well, now is the time to do just that.
Only do this once you’ve had your fill of the prostate massage and achieved your goal. You can now proceed with your normal penile masturbation routine and really finish yourself off.
Personally, these are the fastest orgasms I can ever hope to achieve. After an hour or more or prostate orgasms, the traditional ejaculation is literally only a few minutes away.
It’s BIG. It’s intense. It’s very satisfying. Be sure to have a towel ready for cleanup. YOU. WILL. NEED. IT.
These ejaculations are at least twice as big as a normal one. Shooting big ropes of cum isn’t out of the ordinary.
- How to do it: external prostate play
This is a very indirect method of prostate play, which in my professional opinion is not all that effective. There’s too much skin and tissue between the outside of the body and the prostate gland to stimulate it properly.
It’s also much more difficult to reach orgasm this way. However, I did this in my early days before I was comfortable using internal devices. It’s a good way to get started.
If putting fingers or toys into your rectum isn’t your cup of tea, this is the method that will be best for you. No anal penetration is required. In a nutshell, the prostate is activated from the outside by applying pressure to the perineum.
This area is sometimes called the “taint.” It’s an area of skin that has a ridge and feels like two pieces of skin have been glued together. The prostate is located directly above this area.
Here’s how to do it
The best way to do it is by using the 3 finger method. Your index, middle and ring fingers will be used for this exercise.
The first two steps are identical to the internal method.
- Lay down on a flat, comfortable surface. A bed is the best location.
- Relax and put yourself in zen mode. Meditate, listen toerotic audio, read erotic stories, etc. Whatever it takes to be calm and able to focus exclusively on the task at hand.
- While laying on your back, with your knees up and feet on the bed,using the 3 finger method, place all three fingers on your perineum. Apply firm, but gentle pressure.
- Start to massage the area in a clockwise motion. Do this 5 or 6 times and then switch to a counterclockwise motion. You may have to move around a bit until you find the spot that feels most pleasurable. Also experiment with different levels of pressure until you find what feels best.
- Continue to perform these repetitions for as long as you feel comfortable.
As I mentioned earlier, achieving orgasm is extremely difficult this way. I’ve tried it many times over the years with not much success. However, it does feel very good, which makes it a great way to warm up for an internal massage.
- How prostate massage feels
You might be asking yourself: “So what’s awesome about it, Dave? How does it feel?”
Well, I received an email from a reader recently who answers this question better than I could have. This is what Klaus from Denmark had to say. If this doesn’t get you fired up to try it out, I don’t know what will.
I am a man, 67 years old, single (divorced), and I just want to thank you for your site/post since it just made it for me. I have never been into anal sex, but about two months ago I stumbled into it googling for remedies for an enlarged prostate. What I found was that prostate massage might be the answer to my benignly enlarged prostate.
Today I stumbled into your site and read that with prostate sexuality you have to have patience, awareness, really good time etc. (your post: It takes time . . . )
So I followed your instructions and it became quite nice, – I could hit all the right spots etc. Nice, but no orgasm. After a good deal of time I just couldn’t stand it any longer so I left it there and cleaned up. Afterwards I sat down in a chair to read.
And then it hit me!
For at least half an hour I was in heaven. Just sitting in that chair, my pelvis rotating like hell, I experienced one orgasm after another. Orgasms that seem to include my whole body, (except my penis!). The orgasms were centered in my prostate area but hit right up into my breast, my heart I would say, where I had a “feeling-orgasm”.
The last one hit right up through my throat and towards my brain, I didn’t now that was even possible. I have never experienced anything like it, it just went on and on, and a part of me just wouldn’t believe it – here I was just sitting in a chair without any form of outer stimuli, orgasming over and over again.
After the last orgasm, reaching up towards my head, I started coming down, but I was left utterly and completely chattered for hours. WAUW!!!
So again, thank you for your very instructive and not-comdemning site. As I said, it really made it for me. THANK YOU!
Thanks, Klaus! You hit the nail on the head.
Read a few more of my thoughts on this topic, below…
Why should you try it?
The bigger question is “Why SHOULDN’T you try it?”
Seriously though, learning how to do this changed my sex life. For the better. The tried and true method of getting a hard on and then stroking until orgasm was fun, but got really old. I’ve found that p-spot milking adds just enough variety to keep things interesting and allows me to have a full on “sexual release” from time to time.
It’s good for me both spiritually and physically.
Spiritually, a good massage is soothing to my soul. The resulting orgasm provides a fantastic emotional sense of well being. A sensation of calm and relaxation almost always follows. As a single guy who doesn’t always have a woman around for sexy time, this is a great way to fill the void.
Physically it feels good because orgasms are, well…AWESOME! Orgasms that come from prostate massage are even more intense. There are tons of scientifically proven benefits of getting off. From increased energy to lower chances of depression, this activity is a great way to “take the edge off” and make life more satisfying and fulfilling.
You’re NEVER too old or too young!
This activity can be enjoyed by ANYONE with a prostate, whether you’re 18 or 85! In fact, as males age, it often becomes difficult for them to get and maintain erections. Prostate play is a wonderful activity because an erection is not required. All one needs to do is rub the right spot!
Solo play is fun. Partner play is even better!
I really enjoy doing a prostate massage on myself. Enjoying it with a trusted partner is 10 times better. It’s one of those sexual experiences that couples can do together that strengthens their bond and provides for mutual sexual satisfaction. Not to mention a trusted partner can often hit those hard to reach spots better than I can by myself.
Communication is CRITICAL when playing with someone else. Make sure to lay out the ground rules beforehand and communicate your feelings, good and bad, throughout the session. And don’t forget to have a discussion afterwards so they can learn and improve for the next time!
Here’s what makes this activity super hot for me: the act of submission. Having a caring partner (this could be your girlfriend or boyfriend) as part of the experience makes it so much more gratifying. By laying back and letting that person take control, I am literally submitting to them and allowing them to have power over my body. This makes it a most excellent activity for the Sub or the Dom that wants to spice things up a bit.
Being submissive was difficult for me at first, but once I allowed myself to transfer control, it put me on the road to orgasmic liberation. By turning myself over to someone else, I actually became MORE in tune with my body and what it likes.
If you’re an experienced player, or just want to rock your prostate, Loki is the toy for you!
The BEST, hands down
AMAZINGLY strong vibes
Never falls out
Gives a good “stretch”
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- How to find my prostate?
This is often the difficult part for the beginner, but with a bit of practice it’s easy to find.
Here’s a step by step guide to help you locate it with a finger:
Use the restroom, or more precisely, have a bowel movement. This is to ensure that your rectum is clean and ready for action.
After that, I always recommend taking a bath or shower. Washing your butt hole with a cloth will do, but a full on hot shower or bath helps with the relaxation process, making the rest of the session much easier.
Make sure that the hands are soft and that fingernails are trimmed. File those nails to ensure no sharp edges or snags! Scratching your rectum is the last thing you want to do, for obvious reasons.
Lay down on a flat, comfortable surface. Preferably a bed. I like to lay on my back with my knees bent and feet pulled back toward my butt. Placing a pillow under my bottom helps with the angle.
Lube up. Trying to put a finger or toy in a dry hole just isn’t pleasurable or fun. Trust me on this and pick up a good lube. Read about those here.
Put your hand between your legs and GENTLY stick your index finger into your rectum and curve it up toward the penis. Stop when you get to the 2nd or 3rd knuckle.
Now, feel around a bit. Go a little deeper or a bit shallower until you feel your prostate. You’ll feel a different sensation. Perhaps not pleasurable at this point, but it will feel “interesting.” Remember this spot for later.
Congratulations! You’ve started your first massage! Start massaging that spot slowly if it feels good.
Locate your prostate. Find your male G spot. source: cancer.gov
Here’s a great instructional video
Honestly, this is a weird demonstration on how to find your prostate. But once you watch it, it will make perfect sense.
“Warming up” is a good way to get ready, especially for the beginner. Here’s what I mean: massage around the anus and perineum to get the blood flowing and get in the mood. Don’t stick anything in there yet. This is good to do while laying on your back, before you start.
The prostate can’t be touched directly, because it is behind your rectal wall. When you perform the massage, you will be pushing on the rectal wall, transmitting this pressure to the prostate gland.
Don’t just jam your finger or toy in there! Be gentle. Start slow. Your sphincter will probably be very tight upon initial insertion so you don’t want to rush it and cause any pain or discomfort.
If you’re having a hard time finding the spot, you might consider asking someone to help you.
If you’re into it, ask another dude to give you a hand (pun intended). Who better to find your prostate than another guy that has one as well? Check out this reader submission from a guy who did just that. Did I mention he is straight?
- Will I get an erection?
Maybe. But maybe not. Every guy is different. Personally, I get a raging hard boner every time I have a session. But I’ve had some guys tell me they don’t get erect at all. Remember that nothing is abnormal here. Prostate pleasure has nothing to do with having an erect penis.
BONUS: Are you a guy who suffers from erectile dysfunction or have had prostate cancer? (Also, check out these recommended supplements for BPH)
Congratulations, you’re in luck. An erect penis is not required to thoroughly enjoy this activity!
- Will I have a prostate orgasm?
If you do everything right, YES you will! But I’m going to be honest with you: it’s not an easy feat to achieve. It took me many months and lots of practice to master the art of prostate play and reach prostate nirvana. I believe that every guy is capable of this, but some have to work harder and be more dedicated than others. Just a fact of life.
Let’s define prostate orgasm: It’s very similar to a normal orgasm that you would experience via sexual intercourse or traditional penile masturbation. But it’s a much more intense feeling. It’s the grand finale that every prostate player tries to achieve. The icing on the cake!
Again, this orgasm is elusive. Patience is key.
Prostate vs. Traditional orgasm
The best way I can describe the difference is with this food analogy:
I’m a dude who loves meat. Yeah, I like my fruits and vegetables, but meat is where it’s at.
Sometimes a big fat juicy hamburger is what I crave. Load it up with cheese, bacon and Mayo and I’m a happy guy. Mmmmm, yum. Think of this as traditional orgasm.
Other times the only thing that will satisfy me is a juicy steak. Medium rare Filet Mignon is my personal favorite. There is absolutely nothing better than getting a tender slice and savoring every single morsel in my mouth before swallowing it. The filet is prostate orgasm.
Yes, the difference between the two is that significant.
The best part? The sensations aren’t focused solely on the genital area. They can be felt from deep inside the ass all the way up to the abdominal area. And if that isn’t enough, know that these orgasms often come in multiples. If you keep stimulating, they’ll keep coming. Kind of like the Energizer bunny…you can keep going, and going, and going, and going…
- Wait, did you say multiple orgasms?
Yes, I did! Multiple orgasms are NOT just for women. With practice and a proper technique, men can experience them too.
Traditional orgasms result in what’s called a refractory period. Most guys need from a few minutes to a few hours to recover before having another.
With prostate massage, there is no refractory period. Thus, there doesn’t need to be a delay or cool down period between orgasms.
My personal best is five orgasms, one after the other, about 20 seconds apart.
This is where lots of guys get impatient. I’ve received tons of mails and messages asking what it takes to make multiples happen. Sometimes it’s a matter of luck. Sometimes it’s the circumstance or the person you’re with. Sometimes there is no explanation. I’ve found it’s best to not think about it and just enjoy the moment. Worrying about things that may or may not happen just kill the mood and make having multiples nearly impossible.
- Should it make me cum?
This is another question that I get asked alot. And to be perfectly honest, the answer is NO. Not only from prostate play. It’s weird, but a guy can have orgasms without ejaculating. However, when combined with traditional masturbation, I shoot loads so big I’m scared I’ll get dehydrated!
I do leak TONS or pre-cum though. Actually, I’ve always been a leaker. Just a touch and a passionate kiss from a woman can get my jeans wet!
- Play safe and clean
This is one of those sexual activities where safety and cleanliness are important. Since we’re messing around with a sensitive area of our body (the rectum) it’s wise to make sure we are gentle and practice good hygiene down there. Prostate play isn’t dangerous, but being too rough with fingers and toys can cause pain. And in extreme cases, tearing inside the rectum. This should be avoided at all costs.
Here are four rules to follow that will make sure you play safe and sound.
- Only put things in your rectumthat are designed for this purpose. Yes, your finger is safe. Do NOT use things like broom handles or toothbrushes!
- Keep your sex toys in tip top condition by following the manufacturers recommendations. They will both last longer and remain safe many uses.
- Use plenty of lube. If you can afford it, pay a little more money and get a higher quality product.
- Don’t do this activity too often. At least until you get used to it. Allow at least a couple of days between sessions. Once you are more experienced and know what your body can handle, then you can play more often.
Before you decide to play with a partner…
Reduce the risk of getting hurt. Practice on yourself first and get comfortable with your body. This will help you communicate better with your partner. An inexperienced partner could push too hard or go too fast, making the experience uncomfortable or even painful. You might want to establish some safe words as well.
- Do I need to douche?
First, let’s define douching: It’s a simple matter of utilizing water pressure to cleanse your rectum. As I always say, “when in doubt, douche it out!”
Lots of guys (and gals) are nervous about playing around the rectal area. One thing of utmost concern is poo leaking out onto a finger or toy. Let’s face it, when sticking things in our butts, there’s a good chance this will happen. But stay calm. It’s not a big deal. It definitely comes with the territory.
Personally, I don’t douche all that much. I’m fairly clean down there.
How do I do it?
It’s much easier than you might think. The only tool you need is an enema bulb or rectal syringe. They’re readily available online (search for “rectal bulb syringe”) and at your local corner drug store. They’re very inexpensive as well, usually less than $10.
Here’s what they look like:
From: wikimedia commons
Watch the video below for a quick primer on how to do it.
- Will I need to use anal lube?
The short answer is…ABSOLUTELY!
This activity cannot be enjoyed without using a quality lubricant, both for your rectum and the toy or finger you’re sticking into it. Check out my mega guide on lubes, here.
Water based lubes your best bet because they are compatible with all toys and are inexpensive.
Now you know how to take masturbation and your sex life to the next level! With these tips and tricks you’re now prepared to take the next step on your journey to prostate nirvana.
Remember: using your fingers is a great way to get started on this journey. When you’re ready to move to the next level, there are lots of special made toys out there to make the job easier and more exciting.
Make sure you check out my 5 favorite butt stimulators, right here. Out of my entire sex toy box, these are the ones I keep coming back to.
Remember: practice makes perfect. In order to hit the home run (prostate nirvana) it’s gonna take practice, practice and more practice. But like all good things in life, the best things come to those that persist and make their desires come true.
If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to drop me a line on my contact page or submit a comment below.
Update: I recently ran across a similar article at Sexual Alpha that does a very nice job covering this topic as well. Make sure to check out their take on the “3 legged stool technique”.
Some related content you might enjoy:
- Ever seen a gold plated luxury sex toy? Read more here.
- Check out my 5 favorite prostate toys, right here!
- Lots of guys use sex dolls. Surprised? You shouldn’t be! Read more here.
- The best male masturbators: 5 sex toys TOTALLY worth your money
- Fleshlights are amazing sex toys for men. Here are my favorites
- When distance keeps you from your partner, long distance sex toys are a great option for intimacy!
Hi, I'm Dave. And I'm a....sex fiend?!? No, not really. But, Kinda :) Actually, I'm just your average white collar guy who happens to have a soft spot for sexy WOMEN and HOT sex toys. Hence, these are my chosen topics for this blog. I'm fluent in 3 languages: English, Profanity and Sarcasm. I own a number of male sex toys, and my personal "toybox" is growing rapidly. But prostate toys are my favorite. So, enjoy the ride, and drop me a line if you have something to say!